Cocktail Spinoffs
by manaika
Summary: Basically it's what it says: The spin-off arc to the cocktail shots. We dump here every craziness that will be influenced by any of the shots, thought it will probably be more focused on the Tequilla Sunrise arc. Beware of double craziness!


**Fandom:** Prince Of Tennis

**Pairings:** Multiple pairings (Seigaku, Hyotei, Shitenhoji, Rikkai Dai, Fudomine)

**Rating:** T

**Word Count: **6460 (Kami-sama, this is madness…)

**Warnings:** Fuji's ropes, Sanada's uke secret, Tachibana's harem, Atobe & Echizen actually working together

**Disclaimer:** We own the Seme Club but not the members, if we did, it wouldn't be tennis they would be practicing daily. And if we made money out of it, Juli-chan would quit her job long ago, so it's clear as day that we don't.

**A/N x-juliett:** I… don't even know. Juli-chan is so shocked by this, she's even forgotten her third-person way of addressing herself. This.. creation.. whatever it is, is pure craziness and completely off the rocket, so if you aren't prepared, run away now! :o)

On the more technical side, this marks the beginning of our **Cocktail Spinoffs**. The place where all the _Atobe&Shiraishi/Oshitari cousins_ randomness will be dumped for the sake of saving our Cocktail Shots from their constant sexual assaults, and for our own sanity. (Juli-chan is officially tired of threatening Atobe in her author's notes. It's not working anyway!)

So happy reading and remember the commenter's yaoi heaven!

**Cocktail ****Spinoffs:**

**The Seme Club**

**-x****oxoxo-**

"Atobe, for the last time, you are _not _a seme."

Tezuka watched Atobe's scowl darken and resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He did not know how Atobe got the wind of their little get together and he wasn't sure he wanted to know in the first place.

It all started innocently enough, with him and Sanada going for a drink, Inui joining them and later Tachibana, then finally Fuji stumbling across them, asking if they had founded a Seme Club. The idea stuck and so they began meeting once a month for… well, various seme business.

The problems began when Atobe decided to join them. One could not privately attend to _any_ kind of business when Atobe was around, let alone anything on the seme side.

Tezuka suppressed a sigh. Where was Sanada when you needed him? If he would just get out of the establishment, they could settle Atobe in no time at all (Sanada had his ways, what's with 'tarundoru' and all that). Then they could finally get back inside and get some real fun. Tezuka didn't want to waste any more of his time being stuck out here, when others were making themselves comfortable on leather sofas and sipping one Orgasm after another.

"But why ever not?" Atobe fumed, hands on his hips like the handles of an antique vase, "I top Oshitari!"

Tezuka blinked returning to reality at hand. 'Why not' he asks?

"That doesn't count."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Before Tezuka could reply a blond mop of silver hair appeared in sight.

"Ah, welcome, Shiraishi!" Sanada came forward to welcome their guest of honor.

Tezuka wondered briefly if Atobe knew his jaw connected with the floor in the most undignified way.

"Wait just a moment here, why is Shiraishi allowed in and I'm not?"

"Because he's an uke by choice, " Inui said, materializing behind Tezuka, his notebook safely under his arm. "And we admire that."

"Sorry, Kei-chan," Shiraishi smoothed a stray lock of platinum hair out of his face. With that wicked smirk stretching his lips he looked anything but apologetic, the cheating bastard.

"Now now, Atobe-san let's not get in the way. You are blocking the entrance."

"Ohtori? You are here too? Don't tell me, you…?"

"Hm?" The doubles player gave Atobe a questioning look, then blushed when he finally got it. "Oh no! I'm just here to see Shishido-san off."

"Ahn? Shishido is coming too? Wait, does that guy actually _top_?"

Chotarou 's blush deepened. Now even his nose was red.

"Well, Shishido-san just really wanted to go…"

He forcefully dragged grumbling Atobe away before he had a chance to get into any more details about their private lives, or, what could be much worse, use his Insight.

They watched the club entrance from the relatively safe distance of the nearby tree.

Tachibana flashed by, the bright yellow of his hair hurting the eye. He nodded to Sanada and patted Tezuka on the shoulder, passing without any hindrance. Well, no big surprise there. What's with the whole of Fudomine tennis team being a poor excuse for his harem. And speaking of harems, Atobe would dearly love to know what the hell a bunch of seme guys was gathering in secret of the night club for. No wait, on the other hand, he rather wouldn't (the fact that he'd tried to force his way in a moment ago, aside).

**-xoxoxo-**

"Nya, Oishi! Can't I take a peek? Just a tiny one?" The Seigaku's redhead was hanging off Oishi's arm, as they appeared from around the corner, whispering loud enough for the whole street to hear.

"Please! I'll do anything you want me to afterwards in bed."

"E-Eiji!"

"Hmpf! You'll do anything he wants you to either way."

"Stuff it, O-chibi!" Eiji stuck out his tongue at the deeply scowling Echizen. "You're just mad, 'cause Tezuka and Momo are invited and you're not."

"Che." Echizen pouted and looked away. "If it wasn't for that oaf – " he stopped mid-sentence when his eyes fell on the purple hair, an evil smirk returning instantly to his face.

"Hmmmmm? If it isn't Monkey King. Fancy meeting you here."

Atobe shuddered inwardly at the sound of that mocking voice. The cocky brat was the last thing he and his reputation needed here. Well, at least it looked like Seigaku's ouji-sama was more of an hime-sama this time.

"Ahn? Mr. Brat Prince himself. What an honor!" He made sure his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Echizen smirked. "Don't tell me the King himself isn't allowed in, Mr. I-top-Oshitari."

Atobe almost growled, but didn't get a chance to come up with a dignified response, because another mop of familiar hair, this time inky blue, passed them, heading for the club.

They both watched with twisted curiosity as two hands showed a new guest a 'stop sign'.

"No." Both Tezuka and Sanada chorused stoically.

Oshitari faltered.

"Is there something wrong? I'm a seme. You had no problems with it the last two times."

Inui flipped his notebook open.

"According to my data, your position has _changed_ since then."

"You let _Atobe_ top you." Sanada spat out, as if it was the worst crime ever committed in the history of mankind.

Oshitari just stared. Damn all those data freaks!

"But I… it's not like I actually _let_ him top me," he grumbled under his breath. "I didn't exactly have much of a choice in the matter."

Tezuka and Sanada exchanged the _looks_.

"That's… immeasurably worse."

Yuushi took a defensive step back.

From his spot under the tree Atobe sneered in unholy glee.

"I don't want to hear it from someone who was topped by Fuji."

This time it was Tezuka's turn to back away in mortification.

"Ota ga, yuudan – "

"What about me? Oh, Mitsu, you are already here? Naughty boy, you managed to undo the ropes while I was still in the shower. And here I was looking forward to molesting you in the bus on our way here."

Fuji gave a very innocent closed-eyed smile to the rest of the gathered rather wide-eyed members of the Club, ignoring Sanada's scandalized whisper 'ropes?' and Inui frantically scribbling into his notebook, muttering to himself something sounding suspiciously like 'ii data'.

Tezuka pushed his glasses back up his nose and coughed.

Sanada cleared his throat, "Tarundoru." 'Yukimura' was the only word Tezuka offered in is defense but it was enough to make Sanada tense and look around frantically. "Where?"

Inui scribbled some more, 'ii data' more and more audible in his mumbling.

Those mumbles were suddenly cheerfully interrupted.

"Why, I'm right here, Genichirou."

Sanada turned impossibly pale.

Oshitari decided now was the time to scram.

"Missed me?" Yukimura batted his lashes and Tachibana already opened his mouth to tell him off, but was practically thrown out of the way by a very quickly retreating Sanada. Talk about lightning-fast.

Fuji clasped his hands together. "Now that all of us have gathered, why don't we go ahead and start?" With that he proceeded inside, meeting no resistance.

Atobe was struck speechless, just like the rest of the uke-spectators. This just couldn't get any worse, for his nerves or his reputation. Or so he thought.

Apparently it could, as he discovered the next moment, when Fuji turned around at the door and gave him that closed-eyed smile of his that Atobe could just bet was one of his sadistic tools.

"You coming Atobe?"

It was like a bitch-slap in his face.

"Oh, Atobe isn't allowed in," Oshitari offered helpfully, inspecting his fingernails, "apparently topping me isn't enough to do the trick."

Atobe began to shake.

Chotarou flailed.

"Oh,.." Fuji's smile widened, "I understand. Not everyone has it in them. My condolences to the King." And with that he disappeared behind the door.

Everyone in Atobe's close proximity took a few cautious steps back.

Yukimura smirked to himself knowingly and headed for the door. Only to be stopped by Tezuka. "No."

"Excuse me?"

"Ehm, Yukimura-kun, you are a reasonable man, so let's face the truth – you don't belong here."

"I..!" Yukimura was so scandalized he didn't reply right away, "I'm the top player of Rikkai Dai, I'm sure you know, Tezuka."

"This isn't a tennis club, I'm afraid."

"But I topped Sanada!"

"And we will hold him accountable for that. But it is still a 'no' for you."

"This is absurd! Why in the world is Fuji allowed and I'm not? Genichirou, get out here and tell them the truth!"

Stuck in the very back corner of the club Sanada shivered. "Will someone finally get him away from here? Tarundoru!"

Inui decided it was his time to interfere, as his notebook was quickly running out of empty pages.

"There is a 97% chance the Seme Club wouldn't last a day if we actually rejected our tensai. Sad, but true. This is called damage control, Yukimura-kun."

"And besides, Sanada doesn't count." Everyone stared at Tezuka, but Seigaku's buchou remained unfazed. "Slaves don't have a will of their own."

A few heads nodded at this piece if wisdom.

Yukimura looked ready to blow something up.

**-xoxoxo-**

From his spot under the tree Atobe looked nothing short of gleeful. Forget Oshitari, if topping Sanada didn't count, then he could live with it. Now just to remember to drop off a few _hints_ during the nearest game with Genichirou and the match would be his, lightning or no lightning.

As for Oshitari… Atobe gave his seme-gone-uke boyfriend a dubious look. The bluehead slumped down to the ground leaning against the trunk, looking dejected. It wasn't long before he pulled out a paperback volume of something at least five hundred pages long, featuring a rather gaudy drawing of a pirate biting a diamond necklace off the décolletage of a suggestively-looking blond.

Atobe regarded all that with a scowl.

"You know, looking at you like this, I kind of see where he was coming from when Tezuka said topping you did not equal being a seme."

"Cry me a river. That just means all of your efforts were a simple waste of everyone's time. What a shame, Kei-chan." Oshitari turned the page.

Shishido just shook his head, mentally congratulating himself for not getting involved in another one of lovers' squabble. Why did all of his friends have to be such a bunch of ukes? Well, someone had to hold up Hyotei's reputation and for once that someone wasn't Atobe.

"Let's go, Kabaji."

He could practically _feel_ Atobe freeze as they headed for the entrance.

"Ka..Ka.. Kabaji..?"

Even Oshitari looked up from his book to watch Atobe fume and throw his hands up in the air.

"Kabaji, you traitor!"

"Usu," Kabaji managed with a humble look, before Shishido tugged him into the safety of the club.

**-xoxoxo-**

The place the top seme group had chosen for their meetings was a spacious dim-lit room with a lot of dark corners and rather comfortable sofa-ish seats suited perfectly for different seme purposes.

Shishido looked around cautiously, taking in the bar counter full of tall glasses filled with colorful cocktails and a dance floor next to it, a shining pole sticking out in the middle, gleaming dangerously as Shishido.

Shishido bit his lip. He'd been wanting to come to these meetings ever since he'd seen Oshitari sneak out from under Atobe's tight surveillance to attend. He figured if it was worth the risk to encountering Atobe's sadistic wrath, then it had to be something else. That, and Shishido needed the 'seme' title if only for appearances, simply 'cause being stuck with an 'uke' label in Hyotei of all places was beyond lame.

Still, he was missing Chotarou already. Comparing to fooling around in his kouhai's room, this place with its dance poles and drinks looked dangerous and uninviting. Shishido would have never admitted it even to himself, but he felt lamely out of place here.

Suddenly there was a bandaged arm around his shoulders, steel-grey eyes sparkling at him.

"Fancy seeing you here, Oshitari cousin's teammate-kun."

"Shiraishi."

The boy grinned at him. "Let's have a drink."

Five minutes later Shishido was pouring his worries at Shitenhoji's buchou. "I feel… totally out of place here.." he squeezed out sourly and downed something red and spicy.

Shiraishi only rolled his eyes." Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Guess why."

"Why?"

Shiraishi sighed and put down his empty glass.

"Sorry to break this to you, Shishido-kun, but you clearly don't belong here."

Shishido gulped, then averted his eyes, scrutinizing his half-finished drink.

"You think maybe I could… you know...sneak outta here somehow and still keep my dignity?"

Damn, and after he pestered Chotarou to actually let him top!

**-xoxoxo- **

Five minutes later Shishido cautiously made his way out of the backdoor and around the corner just in time to see Rikkai Dai's Yagyuu make his appearance.

The guy sported a black tightly fitting suit with a sharp rims of purple shirt underneath perfectly matching his hair. Shishido regarded the whole high-class outfit with a shrug. He knew the guy had some kind of nickname to go with that look, but for the world of him couldn't remember what it was. Not that he really gave a damn. As far as Shishido was concerned he very much preferred a simple jeans and T-shirt combo – easier on the pocket and easier to get out off, especially in the dark and with a handful of Chotarou.

And speaking of Chotarou, he spotted a silver head sticking out above a small crowd of unsatisfied ukes that were taking refuge under the tree. From the looks of it his kouhai was trying to hold off Atobe who was close to drooling at the sight of the club's doors opening invitingly to let Yagyuu in without any resistance.

"Heh, that guy practically screams 'I'll screw you in style', huh?"

Shishido stood behind Chotarou secretly enjoying the was his kouhai jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Shi-Shishido san!" Chotarou's wide-eyed look of surprise was adorable. "What are you doing here?"

Shishido shrugged.

"Didn't do much for my gut staying with snobs like that," he waved in the general direction of where Yagyuu disappeared from sight just a moment ago.

Beside him Atobe let out a snort that sounded more like an angry sob.

Shishido smirked.

"Aww, don't cry, Atobe! You can always bully Oshitari into letting you top. Or Gakuto. Or maybe Jirou. With some luck that guy won't even wake up to protest."

Atobe almost chocked fromindignation. He opened his mouth scrambling for a dignified response when another voice beat him to it.

"Not Gakuto, he's my ticket to this place, Atobe-san."

They turned around to see Hiyoshi's stern form practically glowing with pride.

"Hiyoshi…" Atobe cracked weakly, "not you too."

"Gekkokujou!" Hiyoshi beamed. Then he turned on his heels and stalked off muttering something about finally beating Atobe-san to it.

Shishido allowed Atobe to lean on him for support, the guy probably wasn't very conscious anymore. Still, he couldn't resist.

"Or you could always ask Hiyoshi for some practical Gekkokujou lessons."  
>Echizen snorted from his side of the tree.<p>

Chotarou gasped.

Oshitari turned another page.

**-xoxoxo-**

From his guarding position in front of the club door Tezuka shook his head and adjusted his glasses, not wasting his breath to state the obvious. Instead he gave Sanada a concerned look. The Emperor was leaning against the wall looking miserable and muttering 'Tarundoru' like a mantra. If Tezuka had to make an educated guess, he'd say the shock of seeing Yukimura in the last place he was expected to show up was just too great a strain on the slave's mentality. That was also the sole reason they were still hanging around outside – nothing helped to regain oneself better than a breath of fresh air. He was ready to share this bit of insight with still pale Sanada, when a flash of neatly-trimmed purple hair appeared in front of them making Tezuka forget all about it.

"Y-Yagyuu…?"

Sanada snapped out of his trance staring at his team's Gentleman like it was his grandmother's ghost. "But how… You are.. already inside.."

Yagyuu adjusted his glasses, unfazed.

"Someone seems to have played a prank on you. What a troublesome fellow he must be."

For a total of five seconds there was a stupefied silence. Then,

"NIOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Tezuka nodded to himself, suppressing a sigh of relief. Looked like Sanada's 'tarundoru mode' was back in full force.

**-xoxoxo-**

Yuuta pushed his way through the crowded club when a low-pitched yell reached his ears, making them ring. He spun around just to bump into Rikkai Dai's Yagyuu frantically stalking towards the backdoor and cursing under his breath. Yuuta blinked dully at the blue rat tail sticking out from under the short purple strands. Was he missing something here or did he just hear Rikkai's Gentleman mutter 'Puri'?

Yuuta just stood there for a while, then shook his head and turned away. It was hard enough to pacify Mizuki-san's fit about his innocent Yuuta-kun going to the place full of predators all alone, he wasn't about to waste his precious male-bonding time on staring into space. And besides he wasn't half as innocent as Mizuki-san claimed him to be. It wasn't like anyone could stay innocent for too long in Mizuki Hajime's close proximity.

Yuuta finally reached the bar and proceeded to order himself a Dry Martini on the rocks.

"Yuuta! You are here too after all! I was looking for you, but it's hard to spot anyone particular in this crowd."  
>Yuuta promptly chocked on his drink.<p>

"A… A-Aniki! W-What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

The older Fuji's closed-eyed smile looked especially creepy.

"Aw, Yuuta, so many things you don't know about your oni-san."

And so many things Yuuta didn't _want_ to know about his oni-san. He quickly snatched his drink and shamelessly ran for his life.

**-xoxoxo-**

Outside things were heating up too. The group under the uke tree was gaping at Atobe, who finally stopped trying to stare down the door in favor of walking around the building with a maniacal look on his face, occasionally knocking and scratching at the walls and muttering something or other under his breath.

Shishido removed his customary cap and scratched the back of his head.

"Think he finally lost it, Oshitari?"

Oshitari didn't even bother to look up.

"What do you mean 'finally'? That guy's lost it a long time ago. Would _anyone_ scream 'be amazed by the sight of my prowess' if they had it all together?"

"Right. Nevermind. Don't think this… wall-scratching prowess will do much to amaze me anyway."

"Uhm, I think Atobe-san is searching for something." Chotarou's uncertain wide-eyed look was heart-warming. The boy was still trying his best to make sense of the situation. Sometimes Shishido wondered how in hell this innocent puppy had ended up in a place like Hyotei.

Oshitari scanned his boyfriend over the rim of his glasses.

"He's just probably looking for another way in."

"Bingo!" Atobe snapped his fingers staring up at the ventilation window. The barred opening was about the size of his thigh. Atobe looked like he wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or explode in a laughing fit.

"Mada mada da ne, Monkey King."

Echizen definitely had a knack for kicking the guy when he was down.

"Ahn?" Atobe glared at the bundle of sulking cockiness. "Ore-sama would like to see you try climbing it."

"Che."

They bickered some more until a flash of green and yellow didn't swish past them, jumping high enough to hang off the edge of the window. That shut them up into a dumbfounded silence.

"The hell?" Shishido blinked as the blur finally settled into a shape of a familiar blue-eyed face. "You're… the other Oshitari guy!"

"The speed star of Naniwa will rise above you all!" Kenya announced and experimentally stuck an arm into the opening.

"I don't think you'll fit, Kenya."

"Shut up, Yuushi!"

He did manage to rip out one of the bars after a while, throwing the metal stick away and almost plucking Echizen's eye out in the process.

This could have potential. He just needed more of an… expert advice. Atobe watched Oshitari Kenya with his fingers placed in between his eyes, then gave Echizen a speculative look.

"Truce?"

Like hell he'd team up with the Monkey King! …But kicking Momo-senpai's cheating ass would probably be worth it.

"_Temporary_ truce," Echizen allowed grudgingly as they proceeded to help Kenya.

**-xoxoxo-**

Or at least they thought they were helping.

Shishido highly doubted that pushing Echizen up to climb the wall as he hanged onto Kenya's dangling legs qualified as help. No surprise Kenya didn't look too happy about it either.

"Nfu."

Shishido jumped. He'd swear a slim brunet materialized next to him out of thin air like a freaking ghost in those lame horror movies.

"Nfu, seeing you like this, I get a feeling you might be interested in my suggestion."

That 'nfu' thing! There was only one person (except Fuji) who had such a creepy laugh.

"St. Rudolf's Mizuki." Atobe & co stared down the intruder from their position on the wall. "What do you want?"

"Straight to the business, ha, Atobe-kun? As expected." Mizuki twirled a lock of his long bangs on his finger probably thinking it made him look refined. "I have a proposal that cannot be turned down. What would you say about joining the Uke Club?"

"No!" The three of them answered in unison, then looked at each other approvingly.

"Never thought I would be agreeing with Shiraishi's B.F.F." Kenya grumbled.

"Heh, I can second that. Never thought I'd agree with the Monkey King."

"Shut up you two and open that damn window already!"

"And who died and made you the boss?"

"Open it yourself!"

Mizuki eyed the squabble with a growing irritation. Those brats! Not listening to a reasonable advice when it was offered to them so generously. He dearly wished he could issue all of them some laps until they realized what genius they just turned down. As it was though, no prospect of punishment was in sight. (It wasn't like St. Rudolf's manager could boss around Hyotei's King. Where was Yuuta-kun when he needed him? That guy was so easily bullied.) Mizuki sighed and settled for a sarcastic snort.

"Hmpf! You can bitch about it and make fools of yourselves by getting stuck in that tiny window if you want, or you could use your feeble brains for a change and listen to me. They got them their little Seme Club? Let them! If we joined our forces and formed an Uke Alliance, we could retaliate, we could control from the shadows…"

"Still not interested."

Mizuki gritted his teeth glaring at Echizen.

"Brat."

"Fag queen."

"!.."

"Now now," Oshitari seemed to run out of pages to turn and closed his book with a regretful sigh, "Atobe would actually like that, right, Kei-chan? Conspiring with another uke to screw your rightful seme over."

From above them Kenya growled in agreement, something about knowing someone similar.

Atobe tried to glare his Oshitari into submission, but Yuushi stopped noticing those glares a long time ago. Not that it made Atobe give up on the idea.

"Ore-sama thinks it is time to show you your place again, _Yuu-chan_."

Yuushi saw Kenya shoot him a compassionate look.

"Besides, ore-sama doesn't need other ukes to develop a plan. Ore-sama is capable of doing that himself. And ore-sama is NOT an uke."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Monkey King."

Atobe directed his glare at the smirking Echizen for a change.

Mizuki just watched them, trying to untangle his finger out of his hair and still look gracefully.

"Nfu, you are but fools who don't know the benefits of being an uke."

"Will you shut up?"

"Nfu..fu..fu, very well then. There are more reasonable people here who can appreciate a genius when the see one. You will be begging me to let you join in soon enough."

With that Mizuki sauntered away towards Yukimura.

Five minutes later he was discussing the agenda of the Alliance and it's detailed function plan in the homosexual clubbing society with his new best friend.

Shishido kept sending scandalized glances their way. "There's one club I'll never join."

Before he could come up with more comments about the idea's lameness Mizuki turned his creepy smile at him. Shishido took three steps back.

"No."

Mizuki ignored his protests. "Shishido-kun..."

"No!"

"Now don't be like that. Just take a moment to consider… People you can meet up with every week…"

"No way in hell!"

"… People who know you."

"Over my dead body!"

"… People, who understand you."

Silence.

"People you can tell everything to and who won't laugh at you or be disappointed."  
>More silence.<p>

"There is no need to pretend. Be yourself! Let yourself fall."

Mizuki outstretched his hand: "Accept my hand as I accept you!"

"I…" Shishido watched in fascination as his hand reached to grab Mizuki's, his mind somewhere far away. He felt like he was being hypnotized.

"I accept you…" Mizuki continued his psycho assault, "Give it to me. Give me your soul…"

Wrong choice of words. Shishido shook his trance off.

"No!"

"But Shishido-san!"

Shishido jumped and spun around, meeting huge honey-brown puppy eyes. Damn, this was below the belt!

"It sounds like fun!"

"Cho.. Chotarou…."

"We could make real friends. The ones who are just like us!"

Was it even humanly possible for the eyes to grow so wide?

"I…" Shishido took an uncertain step back.

Chotarou's lower lip began to tremble. "Please, Shishido-san?"

Shishido didn't reply.

Chotarou pulled out his trump card. "For me?"

"Che. Fine."

**-xoxoxo-**

Half an hour later Atobe was still circling the club's building, searching for any possible loopholes and trying not to look too dejected.

Kenya had finally given up on trying to squeeze himself into a windows half his size, but not on the idea itself. He was currently doing his best to push Echizen up into the ventilation opening without groping his ass more than was necessary.

The other Oshitari watched them, shaking his head before producing another paperback as if out of thin air, this time with a cover full of sharp fangs and blood-stained maidens. He was almost through with the first chapter when Mizuki screamed 'Eureka!'

"Now what?" Echizen growled, his voice muffled from the walls swallowing his head.

"Hmpf, how typical of a plebian like you to lack the basic knowledge of the antic history." Atobe brushed a careless hand through his hair.

No one was listening.

"We have a plan!" Mizuki was waiving a piece of paper over his head like a battle flag.

Yukimura threw his leg over the knee looking more smug than usual. Chotarou's brown eyes were huge and shining. Shishido looked like he wanted to run for his life.

"With this we will invade that petty excuse for a Club head on. All the members will be throughoutly punished…"

"Topped," Atobe butted in coming closer. He stuck his hands into his pockets trying to look as nonchalant as possible. After all it wasn't like he was actually _interested_ in their little scheme. And of course he could come up with a much better plan, he just kept getting distracted by that cocky brat.

Mizuki was unimpressed. As soon as Atobe got closer, he hid the papers behind his back.

"You think you can just waltz in here and act all nice and friendly after you have refused us in such a crude way, Atobe-kun? It's to late join in now."

Atobe restrained a flinch.

"Why, ore-sama believes to be a contribution to the Alliance.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I can provide an insider."

"Kabaji-kun has betrayed you, face it."

"Ahn? Who said anything about that traitor?" Atobe waved him off. "The one ore-sama has in mind is…"

The look on Mizuki's face when he heard the name was priceless. Yukimura perked up too. Atobe smirked to himself, trying not to look too smug. Ore-sama no bigi no yoi na! Who needs Kabaji when he can have an ally like that? Well, all right, it probably wasn't wise to go as far as call a guy like _that_ an ally, but as long as their interests coincided, Atobe was sure he could use the other's services to his heart's content. He just couldn't wait to see Echizen's expression once he breaks the news to the brat. Atobe looked back at the 'windows group' thoughtfully.

"Kenya-san, push!"

"Easier said than done! Yuushi, don't just sit there, give me a hand!"

The other Oshitari didn't budge an inch, just turned another page of his pocket dime novel.

"If you want to be a seme again, you need to learn how to push properly."

"Bastard!"

"Oshitari-san-tachi! Will you stop bickering and push me through already? I'm freaking stuck here!"

Atobe scowled.

"Oh, and you can take that one too, as a bonus. Use him to distract the enemy or something."

"Hmmm," Yukimura rubbed his chin speculatively, "he might actually provide quite a useful intel. A spy, who oversees everything, but isn't seen himself…"

"I'll fucking kill you, Monkey King!"  
>There went the 'not seen'.<p>

Everyone in the club raised their heads to see what it was up there screaming about monkeys. Kintarou was the quickest. Jumping and pointing his finger at the half of the intruder hanging from the hole under the ceiling, he tugged at Shiraishi's sleeve hard enough to rip it. "Shiraishi, look, look, it's Koshimae!"

Shiraishi spun around in his seat, turning away from a very pleasant conversation with Tachibana, looking positively horrified. "Kin-chan! Why in the world are you... No, nevermind, more importantly, what the heck is Echizen-kun doing up there?"

Echizen glared at the room in general.

"Can't you tell by looking? I'm freaking stuck! Kenya-san, what the hell are you doing back there?.. K-Kenya-san..? You even there?.. Kenya-san?"

His further complains were cut off by the sound of the snapping door.

"This is a coup-d'état!" Atobe was standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips, an 'ore-sama mode' on in full force. "We are taking over this place! Surrender voluntarily and we will spare your lives."

The whole club was staring at the bunch of fiercely-looking ukes flocking at the entrance in a dumbfounded silence.

Tezuka looked up from the Orgasm he'd been sharing with Sanada.

"Atobe…"

"However you chastity is ours to claim," Yukimura put in his five cents trying to squeeze his way past Atobe. "Not that you had any to begin with."

Sanada choked and whispered, "Tarundoru!" He was frozen with shock and couldn't move from his seat, so it was a good thing that Tezuka never dropped his guard.

"Sanada!" Sanada's head dangled on his shoulders as Tezuka shook him back into focus. The next thing he knew Seigaku's buchou was already at the door (when the hell did he get there?), white letters blinking EXIT on the green-lit sign above it. "Over here!"

Sanada bolted up.

They yanked the door open, but that was as far as they got. There at the doorstep stood personified malice, hands crossed over his chest, a close-eyed smile one hundred percent pure evil.

"Where to Tezuka?"

"F...Fuji. But...I thought you were on our side…"

"So gullible, Mitsu-chan. Sneaking in was much easier than I thought it would be for an innocent uke like me."

Tezuka took a step back. "Yuudan sezuni ikou…"

**-xoxoxo-**

"Kenya!.."

The Osakan Oshitari said nothing, just stared into the steel-grey eyes as he got closer, his predatory smirk stretching with every step.

Shiraishi raised his hands in defense. "Be..before you go and do something you will regret later, please consider: _I_ am the rebelling uke here."

"Oh?.. So now that it suits you, you admit to being an uke?" Kenya's smirk grew wider. Now it had 'Oshitari' written all over it. "Too late, Kura-rin. I won't let you off the hook this time."

Shiraishi considered pointing out to Kenya that if he jumped him now, it would be like admitting his bottom position, but then decided it would probably be safer if he didn't. So instead he tried, "Whoever wins, wins?"

Kenya answering grin eerily reminded him of his own. Shiraishi heaved a sigh, it was time to admit his defeat. For this round at least.

**-xoxoxo-**

"Momo-senpai! Don't just stand around there, help me!"

"Ryo…Ryoma! Hang on, I'll help you!"

"I've been hanging on for the better part of an hour, you oaf! Get me outta here, so I can…" This made actually stop the Seigaku's number two power player dead in his tracks. Echizen cursed, realising his mistake.

"Momo-senpai, I promise I won't do anything, just…get me out of here." He said surprisingly pliantly.

Momoshiro still hesitated.

"You promise?"

"Yes…Please, Momo-senpai, it really hurts."

"Oh Ryoma! Don't worry! I won't let you hang there, no way!"

**-xoxoxo-**

"Senpai! I can't forgive you. You let _Momoshiro_ in."

"Ca…calm down, Kaidoh!" Inui was frantically flipping through the pages of his data notebook.

This couldn't be happening! Last time he calculated, the probability of Kaidoh being a seme was less than fifteen percent. Inui brought the page so close to his glasses it was almost touching the tip of his nose.

"I-Impossible! The possibility of Kaidoh actually topping me is… zero percent! This…this is illogical!"

**-xoxoxo-**

"I'm riding the rhythm!" Kamio launched after fleeing Tachibana almost knocking Ibu down in the process.

Shinji pouted as he got his balance back.

"What is everybody so pumped about? I just don't understand… Kamio is on about his stupid rhythm again. He didn't even apologize for running into me. What a rude guy. I'll definitely have to crush him later… And now he is running after buchou. What does he think he is playing at? It's not like he can actually top Tachibana-san…"

"Eleven steps until we catch Kippei." Chitose locked his eyes on the prey grinning to himself. Toying with Tachibana was just too much fun.

The stars of his Saiki Kampatsu gleamed merrily in the dim-lit room as he watched Tachibana topple over the doorstep, Kamio landing squarely in top of him. Bingo!

When the rest of Tachibana's harem gathered around them, the Lion of Kyuushu had already been tied up and stripped.

"So…uhm," the younger Ishida looked around uncertainly, "Now what?"

"I-I guess we're supposed to…you know..."

"Yeah…"

Chitose tried to simulate the next steps in his head and shuddered at the thought.

"I… I can't do this!" Kamio glared up at them daring anyone to try and disagree with him. "This is just… wrong. Tachibana-san isn't supposed to be treated like this! Who cares about the stupid Uke Club! I want to ride Tachibana-san's rhythm."

"That brat Kamio, he's breaking the rules again. But damn, Tachibana-san is hot when he's tied up like this. I probably shouldn't be saying it… This is really embarrassing, but I'm getting hard too. Kamio should hurry up and share. Isn't he a speed expert anyway? ..."

Chitose smiled approvingly at the scene in front of him. He knew he'd fit right into Kippei's harem.

**-xoxoxo-**

Hiyoshi gaped at the mayhem that overtook the club with growing dismay. Crazy ukes were jumping their semes left and right. He needed to get out of here and he needed to get out fast.

Hiyoshi mentally checked for Mukahi. His uke had dragged Jirou to watch a movie without even asking where Hiyoshi was off to.

Which meant…Hiyoshi smirked to himself, there was no one here to top him. Thank all the gods!

Intending to keep it this way, Hiyoshi turned for the door, happily muttering, "Gekkokujou da!", when two figures blocked his escape route.

"Ahn? Don't tell me you'd hoped to get off the hook, Hiyoshi? You can think again. Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na! Right, Niou-kun?"

"Puri."

**-xoxoxo-**

"Genichirou."

"Tarundoru..."

"Genichirou!"

"Tarundoru, tarundoru, tarundoru, tarundoru, tarundoru, tarundoru, tarundoru…"

Yukimura frowned at his vice-captain's figure shrunk in the corner of the club.

"I'm not an evil spirit, you know. It won't make me disappear even if you keep repeating that, Genichirou."

Sanada kept chanting his mantra with doubled effort.

Yukimura considered if his hallucinatory yips could actually _mute_ a person.

**-xoxoxo-**

"Fuji, let's not let our guard down… W-Wait a minute, Fuji! Those ropes...?"

"Forth Counter: Binding of the Mayfly."

"Y…Yuudan sezu ni ik-yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

**-xoxoxo-**

"So, Momo-senpai…"

Momoshiro took a step back as he saw the wicked smirk and the San Paku Gan gleaming dangerously at him.

"Wait a sec there, you promised you wouldn't…"

"Mada mada da ne, Momo-senpai. Be glad that I feel so grascious and let you choose. What do you pick: Samurai drive right off, or would you prefer rather a twist serve?"

**-xoxoxo-**

"Finally! The speed-star of Naniwa has _finally_ risen above you!"

"Aah, ecstasy!"

"Dammit, you sly bastard! You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?"

**-xoxoxo-**

"Ore-sama no bigi ni yo ina! Ahn, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

**-xoxoxo-**

"Fshuuuu…"

**x*****-xoxoxo-*x**

**Omake**

It was a good deal after midnight hour had struck, that a shady figure arrived at the doorsteps of the club. The person had an eerie atmosphere around him, something dangerous glowering in his presence. The killer had arrived.

He knocked three times.

For a while nothing happened, but then there was shuffling, muttering and then the door creaked open, revealing a slumped figure, a shadow of his former self. Tezuka tried to focus his eyes on the figure standing before him, then heaved an exhausted sigh he didn't have the strength to suppress.

"Kite. You're late."

"I would prefer you wouldn't call me so familiary, Tezuka." Kite looked around, taking notice of his surroundings. His eyes stopped on the nearby tree, where two men (one he recognized as Rikkai's Yagyuu, by the guy with the inky blue hair he wasn't sure) were reading what seemed to be fascinating literature. Then his gaze settled on the captain of Seigaku. "Did I miss important business?"

Tezuka asked himself why he even bothered.

"Fortunately, we are already finished for today."

Kite stared.

"No way!" Tezuka turned to the source of the whiny voice and he recognized the two main members of Kite's harem standing there.

"We came all the way from Okinawa!" the blond, Hirakoba Rin, if Tezuka remembered correctly, crossed his arms over his chest.

"Really, Eishiro…" Kai Yuujirou of the Viking Horn pouted. "Why do we have to come always along?"

"Stop whining you kids. You're my testimony."

"Testimony?"

"Who cares, I just want some drinks. You promised us a Long Beach, _Eishun_."

"Hirakoba-kun, I see you need to be put in place again. You've been a disobedient uke lately…"

Tezuka slammed the door into his face.

**-xoxoxo-*****-xoxoxo-*-xoxoxo-**

**A/N (manaika)**: Piriin. We kept deciding (arguing) about whether this should be a spin-off (juli), or a cocktail shot (me), but it the end (I let) the seme won and it is our deepest pride and greatest pleasure to present you the beginning of the side-fic, spin-off arc. No, the cocktail shots aren't done yet, we are currently working on Rikkai. We just…the seme club was too tempting. And I generally am very bad at resisting temptation (and this time I can't even blame my seme. Damn.), so we kinda ended up writing the seme club. We still preach on Konomi-sensei and Sakaki-kantoku to bring Atobe under control (Oshitari, Tezuka and Sanada all but failed, as we have seen), but so far without result. That's our life with the cocktail shots so far. We are looking forward to more!


End file.
